how can u be prego again
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
