maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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