please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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