So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
