Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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