I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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