If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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