I hate all girls vehemently.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize