that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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