I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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