Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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