I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
