well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
