I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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