with your own penis?
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
