dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
