you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
