Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
