The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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