If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
