He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
