so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
