franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize