hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
