My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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