Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
