She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
