She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
