Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
