Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
