He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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