you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
