big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
