i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
