Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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