I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Someone came in the potted fern
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
