omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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