Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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