So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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