So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
