He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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