I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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