mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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