that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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