Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
