May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
