So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
