Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
