Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
