sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
