i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
