I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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