can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
