FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
