My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize