You really coming over, don't trick.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
