I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
