Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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