Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
