3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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