Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
