I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
