youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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