im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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