I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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