she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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