I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
