woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize