At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
