The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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