When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
